Engagement Story

Everything went according to plan... well, not exactly.

After returning to Madison from my Christmas visit to Arizona, I realized that I was madly in love with Kate and that I needed to heed the advice of my two sisters and "lock her up."

I started my search for engagement rings. I knew since I was a high paid musician, that money was no object. (Insert laugh here). Actually, I knew that it would be difficult for me to afford a ring worthy of my commitment to her. Fortunately/unfortunately, I had a beautiful Harley sitting in the garage that was paid in full. I knew that was the only way it was going to work out financially. I decided to sell my baby. I was able to mask the sale of the bike because Kate and I had just decided to buy a house together. I thought it was a no brainer….but she loved the bike as much as I did. She was less than happy when she found out I was going to sell it. She did not understand. I told her it was money we needed for the new house. Her math did not show the same need, so she was mad at me. It was horrible. I wanted to keep the bike too, and I could not explain to her why I needed to sell it. GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………

I am an old-fashioned person. I knew when the day came for me to ask that special person to marry me, I would definitely ask her father. I did not know the tradition behind asking a father's permission, so I started researching it. I found that in the past, you "asked permission" because of the girls dowry, which the father was in charge of. In modern times, there is no need to ask "permission." In fact, some women see it as degrading. The proper replacement was to ask for a father's "blessing."

So, it was set, I needed to ask Vic (Kate's father) for his "blessing," and I knew that I wanted to do it in person. I did not have a plan as to "when" I would ask her, but as I saw that Phat Phunktion (my band) was going to be in Arizona on tour in April, I knew the next time I would see Vic after my visit in April would be Christmas time 8 months later. It was less than ideal, but if I didn't do it then, I would have to wait another year.

In the mean time, while still in Madison, I continued my search for the perfect ring. I saw a number of rings that I liked, but there was one I kept coming back to. There was something about it that was special, but it was not completely right. Kate is a one-of-a-kind woman, and I felt she deserved a one-of-a-kind ring; something that no one else on the planet had. I met with the jeweler and changed the design of the ring to my specs. It was going to look amazing. At the time, they told me it was going to take 2-3 months to make. I did not see that as a problem since I did not have a time frame. I could not pay for it until my Harley sold. The bike did not sell until right before I left for Arizona. I was not going to be able to place the order until I returned... no big deal, right?

Our tour that would eventually get us to Arizona started in Omaha, NE, then to the University of Kansas, then Denver, CO, then somewhere in Utah that I never want to go back to, then Phoenix. The days leading up to Phoenix were very nerve racking to me. Some of the people in the band knew of my plan, but not everyone. We finally arrived at the Gates compound. We were there for a couple days. It was very difficult for me. I was trying to find a moment where Vic was alone, but there was Vic, Donna, Kate, and an 8-piece band staying in their house. There were people everywhere, all the time. Finally on day 3, Kate, her mom and I were outside sitting at the table. The rest of the band went to the pool, and Vic was in his office. Here was my chance. Kate and her mom were locked in conversation, and probably would not even notice me get up from the table. I did, and went back to Vic's office, walked in, and closed the door.

I thought I would be nervous, but I wasn't. I think that is a good sign you know you are marrying the right one, when it just feels natural. I asked Vic for his blessing. Vic is a man of many many words. He sat up in his chair, took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "Absolutely." I was very pleased to find out that he approved and thought that I was up for the challenge of marrying Kate... did I just say that? He warned me that she was a strong woman. Too late, I figured that out on my own.

This whole transaction took a total of 15 seconds. On the tail end of Vic's answer... a knock came at the door. Who could it be?... not Kate? There's no way. She was in a deep conversation with Donna outside. Sure enough, it was her. She walked in the office, looked at the two of us and said, "What are you doing?"

This situation did not come up in any of my plans. I was not prepared for this. However, in a split second, I came up with a sure-fire excuse that would have gotten Vic and I out of this jam... let me repeat,... get VIC AND I out of this Jam. Vic and I are on the same team right? Father and future son-in-law keeping the "big secret" from the unsuspecting future bride...??? But before I had a chance to recite my perfect excuse, Vic looked at Kate, and in another long-winded response said, "I said Yes."

...He didn't just say that, did he? What is he doing? I thought we were in trouble, and the cat was out of the bag when Kate threw us a bone. She gave us a second chance, and said "Said Yes to what?"

All right Vic, get us out of this. Here is your chance to cover. I thought for sure he would have a clever little excuse to redirect Kate. I waited anxiously for his response and was amazed when he said, "I gave Al my blessing for you two to get married."

At that very moment, I must have looked like I got punched in the gut. Kate's face turned bright red. Vic looked at the two of us and asked "Haven't you two talked about this already?"

NO Vic! We hadn't. I think I recall him saying "Oops" after that, but it is now a blur. Kate started running up and down the halls... and I started to cry.

Cry? Why would you cry Al?

For those of you that know Kate, you may know that if she is lacking in one department, it is patience. From that moment on, the questions about getting married were off the charts. "When are we getting married, where is the ring, what does it look like, who is going to be in our wedding party, what color will the dresses be"... WHAT COLOR WILL THE DRESSES BE? Oh No..., this is going to be horrible.

At first I thought I could handle it. I came back to Madison and put the order in for the ring. 2 months wait. After about 3 weeks I was on the phone with the Jeweler begging them to get me the ring as fast as they could. Kate must have thought I was planning to ask her shortly after asking her father. In actuality, I had even tossed around the thought of asking her around her birthday in October. By the middle of May, I knew that was no longer an option. I started making up stories that I wasn't going to ask her until Christmas... it looked like her head was going to explode.

As time went on, I realized that the first night we kissed was July 11th, 2003, and that the ring was due back the beginning of July. I decided to ask her the night of our 3-year anniversary. Tuesday July 11th came. I asked her to go out to dinner. I figured it would be easy. Who wouldn't want to go out to dinner, right? Apparently Kate did not want to go to dinner. She was CRABBY and did not want to go out. I kept pushing to take her out and she kept saying that we had chicken in the fridge... who cares about chicken in the fridge. I have a sparkling diamond ring in my pocket and want to ask you to marry me. I don't want to do it over leftover chicken. She finally gave in. I suggested we get sushi downtown. I wanted to ask her on the Monona Terrace, overlooking the water. She said she wanted to go to P.F. Changs. Of course she would pick a restaurant in the complete wrong direction. I made another suggestion. She became crabbier because she did not want to go downtown. She finally gave up and we went to Murramoto Sushi Restaurant.

It was a battle to get her to go out for dinner; it was more of a battle to get her to go out downtown... how the heck was I going to get her to go to the Monona Terrace? There was no way. She had to be getting close to wondering why I was so adamant about all of this. Just at that moment, she looked at me and said, "Do you want to walk down to the Monona Terrace?" Thank you God!!!

We walked down to the Terrace, I got down on one knee, and asked her to marry me. She had no clue and was completely taken by surprise. I was very happy that she was surprised. I thought that element of asking her to marry me was lost back in April.

She pushed me over and grabbed the ring... just kidding. She said "Yes."

She was no longer crabby and apologized for being crabby earlier. She was glad she went out for dinner.

We were very excited and the wedding date was set for June 1, 2007.